Everyone gets angry, and so before you dismiss it as a ‘problem emotion,’ let’s take a moment to appreciate the function of anger. Anger can be an internal signal that your boundaries have been crossed, or an injustice has taken place. It can even motivate you to action. Ask yourself, ‘Is this action effective?’ If it is, then anger has served its purpose. For instance, if you feel angry when someone at work is rude and you then ask them to stop, then you have been effective.

If you become highly impulsive or ineffective when you’re angry, or anger and frustration is occurring very frequently, then it may be that more is going on. There may be underlying stressors that mean you have less of a buffer of coping resources. Or you may have experienced a past trauma or injustice that has never been fully processed and so the underlying anger gets triggered frequently. If you are unsure what the underlying cause of your ongoing anger is, you would be surprised what help a therapist could be in identifying the cause and helping you to effectively process this.

In the meantime, here are strategies that prevent anger from doing harm to you, your relationships, and your self-respect.

Learning to cope with anger can be difficult, but there are a range of skills you can start practicing today to deal with anger.

(1) Know your triggers. Try making a list of things that you know make you angry (e.g., your kids taking a long time to get ready or being stuck in traffic). Are there any preventative steps you can take to reduce these triggers? For unavoidable triggers, can you visualise ways to cope that would be more effective.

(2) Build a pause between anger and reaction. Once you notice you’ve become angry, you can try an anger technique to reduce the intensity of the emotion so you can think clearly again. Try a ‘time out.’ Giving yourself a chance to ‘cool down’ away from any source of frustration, and decide how you want to respond rather than react.

(2) Distraction. If you’re in the middle of a meeting and can’t leave for a time out period, engage in cognitive distractions to allow a ‘mental break’ from the course of stress (e.g., count backwards by 3s from 100, or think about your after work plans).

(3) Encouragement. Self-talk is important in shaping our emotions. Focussing on the negatives of the situation can maintain anger. However, re-framing ‘I can’t deal with this,’ to ‘I can manage this. It will be over soon,’ reinforces our coping resources.

(4) Relaxation. How does your body feel when you’re angry? Probably hot, tense, and agitated. Whilst often it’s our brain talking to our body, our body can also talk to our brain, and your body might be giving constant messages to stay angry. Taking time out for yourself or learning relaxation techniques (See our Relaxation Guide here) can help send less angry signals back to your brain and create a more relaxed feedback loop.

 

If you have struggled with anger and impulsivity, or have noticed angry feelings increasing in intensity or duration lately, contact our Sydney psychology clinic Foresight Psychology Ultimo: 02 8380 8855 / info@foresightpsychology.com to find out how we can help you live with more joy, connection, and ease.