Fear – it’s sometimes helpful, but all too often a hindrance. When we let fear start making our decisions for us, we often feel failure and despair. Worst of all, fear can prevent us from reaching our long-term goals and aspirations. Everyone has allowed fear to influence their choices at some point in their lives, so why not get to know fear better, and learn how to say: “You don’t own me”.

What is fear?

Fear is a natural human emotion with lots of helpful and adaptive uses. Fear keeps us safe from harm. It pumps adrenaline into our body so that we’re ready for action. Fear even communicates important messages to us, like feeling anxious or tense about the outcome of an event in order to highlight its meaningfulness or importance.

So clearly fear itself isn’t the enemy. Fear is a natural response, and can be incredibly helpful, especially if you’ve just spotted a lion. However, it’s how we respond to our fear that interferes with life. What is one of the first things we do when we feel fearful? We avoid or withdraw.

Avoidance can be great in the short-term, as it provides fast relief from those uncomfortable feelings. However, using avoidance long-term reinforces and maintains fear. Why? Because it is teaching us that we’re unable to cope with what we’re fearful of. Have you been avoiding something for a while? Each time that you avoid thinking about it, doing it, or speaking about it, does it feel even more overwhelming?

Whatever your goals may be, learning how to manage fear will help you make decisions based on your long-term goals and aspirations, rather than your short-term emotions and fears.

Adjust your thinking

A practical way to try and combat fear-thoughts is to challenge them. Our brains are hard-wired to be pessimistic, because noticing negatives or dangers kept our cavemen ancestors alert and alive. Despite evolving a few million years and encountering far less immediate dangers now, we still tend to notice more negatives than positives.

When combating fear, it’s important not to mistake feelings for facts. Even though the statement ‘I’ve never been able to stick at anything in my life’ may feel 100% true to you, it may not actually be a fact. Is it true that you have literally never stuck to anything ever? Or, have you had some successful projects and some less successful projects? Separating the facts from the feelings is the best way to recognise and begin to conquer fear. When you feel fearful about something, ask yourself:
(a) Is it likely to happen this way?
(b) How can I cope even if it goes poorly?
(c) Does thinking this way help me to reach my long-term goals?

Facing your fears

If avoidance maintains fear, we need to learn how to avoid that avoiding. That’s not to say we should jump in and start facing our biggest fears today… Trying to run a marathon after buying your first pair of sneakers is not ideal. But, if we keep avoiding forever, we’re only getting further and further away from our goals.

So how do we stop avoiding? Start with the smallest possible step towards facing your fear. Wanted to start your own business? Why not write up a 1-month start-up plan? Want to start a new hobby? Why not start by researching classes in your area? It actually doesn’t matter how small the step you take is, as long as it’s facing in the right direction. Avoidance will always keep you away from your goals, but taking small steps will edge you closer and closer to where you want to be. And, don’t forget to celebrate those little steps! It may seem silly at first, but you’ll be closer to that goal than you ever have been before, and that’s worth celebrating. Plus, you’re reinforcing your ability to challenge fear rather than avoiding it!

So, ask yourself what you have been avoiding lately and why. If there’s a meaningful goal in mind, start by taking the smallest possible step in that direction and then celebrate that win. And if the small step is too much, break that down into an even smaller step. It doesn’t matter where you start, as long as you do.

This information is general education material only. If you struggle with persistent anxiety, depression, or other psychological conditions, see your GP, who can help you to find the right mental health professional. No matter where you are today, remember that there are treatments and there is hope.

Acknowledgements to Friend of Foresight, Chelsea Witham, for her assistance in editing this post.

To make an appointment , call Foresight Psychology Ultimo: 02 8380 8855 / info@foresightpsychology.com