Life’s problems come in all shapes and sizes, and yet did you know that there are generally only 4 possible solutions to anything life throws at you? Once you know the 4 possible options, choosing how to move forward becomes easier. So what are these 4 solutions?

  • Solve the problem (Skill needed: Problem solving)
  • Change the way you feel (Skill needed: Perspective taking)
  • Accept the situation as it is (Skill needed: Mindful acceptance)
  • Stay Miserable (Skill needed: None)

Let’s break it down with some examples.

Let’s say you’re stuck in traffic, running late for a meeting, and feel very anxious. What are your options? You could problem solve. Is there an alternative route you can take? Can you call to let someone know you’re running late? If problem solving isn’t possible, then you could change the way you feel about the situation. Can you reduce your anxiety by reminding yourself that you’re rarely late and humans are allowed to be imperfect? Can you remember if others have been forgiven for lateness?

If it’s not possible to change the way you feel, then radically accepting the situation as it is will be your best bet. This is vastly different from resigning to the situation. Resignation is powerless, while acceptance is active. If there is truly nothing you can do about the situation, then you may be better off accepting that you’ll be stuck in traffic for another 20 minutes and try to enjoy the rest of the trip. Trust us (from first hand experience) that yelling, beating yourself up, blaming others, or anxiously worrying won’t make one iota of difference to the speed of traffic anyway – so why waste the energy? Of course, you can always choose to do nothing instead, but remember choosing not to use skills when you’re facing a life problem is likely to end in staying miserable.

Whilst being stuck in traffic may seem like a trivial problem, these 4 possibilities hold true for the hard stuff too. Perhaps you’re having relationship difficulties. Can you problem solve by finding time to see a couples therapist? Maybe your boss has asked you to do a difficult task that you can’t say no to. Can you reframe the way you feel by seeing it as a learning opportunity? Or perhaps you’re facing a break up that you didn’t initiate. Can you radically accept the other person’s decision and accept the grieving period (rather than wishing it wasn’t so, which prolongs the suffering)?

We’d love to hear from you if you’ve successfully used these strategies in your life.

And remember, if you’re struggling with low mood, anxiety, alcohol, or other concerns and don’t feel that you’re making enough progress alone, don’t hesitate to give us a call today at our Sydney psychology clinic to speak to our friendly team about how one of our psychologists can help you to live with increased ease. Foresight Psychology Ultimo: 02 8380 8855 / info@foresightpsychology.com